Enough

An open book with the works, "Am I Good Enough?" written on a page
Image by Hello I’m Nik via Unsplash

I quietly crawl into bed next to my husband who has been sleeping for at least 20 minutes. Thirty minutes ago he asked if I was ready for bed. I finished grading a paper and closed my laptop only to remember I needed to switch the clothes in the washer to the dryer. After doing this, I cross through the kitchen to see dishes that were drying and need to be put away and I start the dishwasher. I then fold a blanket and put away a few more odds/ends before I sneak into the bedroom to my husband who’s breathing signals he has been sleeping for at least 20 minutes.

With no one to distract me from my rambling thoughts I begin to reflect on the day.

  • The phone call to a friend I should have made time for. 
  • The quick to anger attitude I had with my husband when he asked me a question. 
  • The time I didn’t make to look at my daughters new roadblocks house. 
  • The extra book at bedtime I didn’t read. 
  • The moment I should have carved to write today. 
  • The youth that I meant to reach out to but didn’t. 
  • The stack of papers left to be graded, the bathroom that needs to be deep cleaned, the book I wanted to read, the new recipe I wanted to try, and the list goes on and on.

Most often my day ends with regrets and feelings of inadequacy. If I am being real I do not care about success or being the best. I just want to be ENOUGH. So often I feel pulled in so many different directions: Wife. Mom. Daughter. Sister. Youth Leader. Friend. Teacher. Chef. Housekeeper. Uber Driver. Writer. That I never feel “enough” in any of them. 

So often I feel pulled in so many different directions that I never feel “enough” in any of them. 

I wish I could tell you this has been my struggle for the past week, month, or even year but it is not. This has been my struggle for YEARS. 

2 Corinthians 12:8-9

8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

This reminds me right now I am enough because I can’t be everything for everyone. If I were then they (the people in my life) would only need me and they wouldn’t need God. I can’t fix everything for everyone. I can’t be the only person they run to. I can’t be the only one who listens. God can and will do all these things if we seek Him. 

This does not mean I won’t crawl into bed with regrets of not taking the time to do x,y, and z because I probably will.

 Instead I can pray that God will cover everything that I was not “enough” for. 

Guess what? God wants you to give it to Him too.