I will never forget when I came home from the hospital, after having my first child, with empty arms. Every object that told the world a baby lives here was tucked behind the closed door of the nursery. It was over. He was never coming home. This closed door was the most painful physical reminder, but symbolic. Never would it be the same. But now what? Where do I go from here?

Now as I am standing in a hallway with more doors than I can count. Some of the doors are firmly closed, but several are open. My struggle is not with the closed doors, but the ones that remain open. How do I know which door to walk through? Yes, if you read THE DOORS a few weeks ago, I am still struggling with this. 

I have been reading Rich Wilkerson Jr’s book Friend of Sinners with one of my youth girls. When I went back to prepare for our meeting and reread the highlights and to make notes, it hit me. Pastor Wilkerson discusses the story of Jesus and a Rich Ruler in Mark 10:17-22

17  As Jesus was starting out on his way to Jerusalem, a man came running up to him, knelt down, and asked, “Good Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?” 18  “Why do you call me good?” Jesus asked. “Only God is truly good. 19  But to answer your question, you know the commandments: ‘You must not murder. You must not commit adultery. You must not steal. You must not testify falsely. You must not cheat anyone. Honor your father and mother.’ ” 20  “Teacher,” the man replied, “I’ve obeyed all these commandments since I was young.” 21  Looking at the man, Jesus felt genuine love for him. “There is still one thing you haven’t done,” he told him. “Go and sell all your possessions and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.” 22 At this the man’s face fell, and he went away sad, for he had many possessions.

I am the ruler. I have been on my knees wanting answers (17). No I am not rich but I have the perception of “I have followed your commands, now what?” (20)

 I want it to be laid out for me. I want it to be as simple as “do this and then this.” 

Yes, I understand the ruler is speaking of eternal life here but I think it is so easy to get caught up in all the “good things we do for His kingdom” we forget what God really wants. 

He wants all of us. Pastor Wilkerson says it perfectly, “Many people want Jesus to be part of their lives, but they don’t want him to be Lord of their lives… He is not a good luck charm… nor his message a self-help program.”

I am guilty of this too. 

I want to be a follower of Christ until it messes up my plans. Until it it inconvenient. Until it requires more of me than I can give. 

This is where I am. Several doors are open in the hallway.

1. One is the way out. Turn around and leave it all behind. 
2. One requires me to BE STILL. To be patient. Knowing that along the way this door may close.
3. One relies on trusting God by giving our own finances. Knowing there may never be a financial return on my obedience and this door may close along the way. 

There are other doors too. Doors that I haven’t walked up to yet. 

So here I am still on my knees asking God to reveal the door, preferably Price is Right style with neon lights. 

But my prayer has not been answered. So I wait. 

Therefore if you ask me how the book is coming and I answer completely frazzled it’s because I am. 

I am not patient with waiting. 

I think about Abram in Genesis. In Genesis 12:7 7 The Lord appeared to Abram and said, “To your offspring[c] I will give this land.” and again in Genesis 13:15 the lord said, 15 All the land that you see I will give to you and your offspring[a] forever. 

Awesome. Sounds great but Abram and Sarai (his wife) had no children. He reminds God of this in Genesis 15 to which He replies, 4 Then the word of the Lord came to him: “This man will not be your heir, but a son who is your own flesh and blood will be your heir.” 5 He took him outside and said, “Look up at the sky and count the stars—if indeed you can count them.” Then he said to him, “So shall your offspring[d] be.”

It gets real when after time has passed Sarai says to her husband in Genesis 16

 2 so she said to Abram, “The Lord has kept me from having children. Go, sleep with my slave; perhaps I can build a family through her.” 

As one can expect this caused some drama. Hagar did conceive and Sarai wasn’t too excited about this (women can really flip the switch can’t we?). Abram and Hagar bore Ishmael. 

This was not the offspring the Lord had intended for Abram. God did fulfill his Promise to Abram (became Abraham and Sarah by this point) but it took YEARS of waiting. 

Just like Abram and Sarai, I can pick an open door and walk through it. However, this doesn’t mean that this is the one intended for me. 

So you will find me in the hallway waiting. 

In 2006, I was in the hallway of waiting. Waiting to see if God would heal my son. I was also literally in a hallway on floor 5 of Duke Medical Center. I was on my knees, palms and face to the floor, as tears streamed down my face. I was lonely, isolated, and begging God for answers. I can tell you He showed up and He answered me. All the details, well you will just have to wait for the book to be published. 

God answers us when we wait. God answers us in the hallways when we don’t know which door to walk through. God has given me a Promise and so I will wait for the flashing neon light to illuminate around the door I am to walk through. 

What Promises are you waiting on? Are you patient at waiting? If you are joining me in this hallway of waiting I would love to hear from you and how I can be praying for you!