So and so was cheating on her husband. When he found out he up and left her with the three kids and no job to provide. Bless her heart. 

Little Billy was in seventh grade but still on a third grade reading level. Bless his heart. 

When I was teaching in heels all day.

When I believed in my students and they disappointed me. 

When I  had no clue what fried okra, grits, or collards were.

When I overheard another teacher talking about how big I was pregnant and how tiny I used to be. 

Every one of them was followed with “bless her heart.” 

In 2005, my husband and I moved to the south from Michigan and there were lots of sayings that we didn’t quite understand. The one that took me the longest to comprehend was, “Bless her heart.”

Not every time this statement is used is it condescending. It certainly can express sympathy.  

What I eventually realized is sugar isn’t just used to make sweet tea in the South. “Bless her heart”  is also used to sweeten the insult. 

Just like “y’all,” I have not added “bless her heart” to my repertoire. Not because I don’t insult people, but because it does not sound normal coming out of a Michigander no matter how long they have lived in the south. 

Lately I keep coming across a story from Acts 5 that makes me think “bless their hearts” every single time. 

5 Now a man named Ananias, together with his wife Sapphira, also sold a piece of property. 2 With his wife’s full knowledge he kept back part of the money for himself, but brought the rest and put it at the apostles’ feet.

3 Then Peter said, “Ananias, how is it that Satan has so filled your heart that you have lied to the Holy Spirit and have kept for yourself some of the money you received for the land? 4 Didn’t it belong to you before it was sold? And after it was sold, wasn’t the money at your disposal? What made you think of doing such a thing? You have not lied just to human beings but to God.”

5 When Ananias heard this, he fell down and died. And great fear seized all who heard what had happened. 6 Then some young men came forward, wrapped up his body, and carried him out and buried him.

7 About three hours later his wife came in, not knowing what had happened. 8 Peter asked her, “Tell me, is this the price you and Ananias got for the land?”

“Yes,” she said, “that is the price.”

9 Peter said to her, “How could you conspire to test the Spirit of the Lord? Listen! The feet of the men who buried your husband are at the door, and they will carry you out also.”

10 At that moment she fell down at his feet and died. Then the young men came in and, finding her dead, carried her out and buried her beside her husband.

In my experience when something like this keeps showing up it is because God is working on me. I think it is quite possible that God is up there saying,

 “Oh Candice, she just doesn’t get it. Bless her heart.”

My issue isn’t holding onto money, my husband can attest to that. He starts to visibly sweat when I tell him we are going to an outreach fundraiser. I really like to surprise him and commit to monthly givings instead of a one time gift. Show me pictures of the kids who need it more than my own and my husband will just hand me a pen to write the check. 

My issue is shame and guilt. Oh, these are the ones that I hold onto. These are the ones I hide from the outside world. 

I carry so much guilt for not being excited when we found out we were pregnant with our first son after we had been married for three months. Did this cause his heart defect? What about the medicine my doctor gave me for my nausea? Couldn’t I have just sucked it up and did without it? Could this medicine have caused his heart to not completely form? 

I carry guilt for the relief I felt with my doctor wouldn’t release me 24 hours after my c-section to follow my son to Duke Medical Center. I was exhausted and honestly wanted to sleep. What mother doesn’t want to rush after her child?

I carry shame for wondering what I ever did to deserve this. For looking at what others had and judging them for having what I wanted. 

I carry shame for the anger inside of me after Alex died. For the way I pushed away people. The way I responded to people with negativity, insults, and hurt. 

I carry guilt wondering if we made the right decision to remove him from life support. Is it possible if we just gave him more time he would have recovered? 

This is just from one season of my life fourteen years ago and I still carry this shame and guilt. I wish I could say this is the only season I carry it from, but it is not. This carries into my current issues of “not enough.” Not being a good enough mom, wife, youth leader, friend, sister, teacher, writer, speaker…and the list goes on. 

I may be able to hide this behind a smile from everyone else, but I can’t hide it from God. 

Just as in Acts 5, they felt called to sell their house and bring it all to God, I know God is calling me to bring all this to Him. 

What is stopping me? 

First of all my Control Issues . I also think I do this because I have been living with this for so long, I am not really sure I know how to live without it. 

This week I am working on releasing it. What is God asking you to give up that you need to release? What is it that God is looking down and saying “Bless ___ heart” ?