This year I ruined Christmas. Everything we (well me) planned and all the money we spent was going to be for nothing. The idea of a perfect Christmas on a cruise ship as a family was emploding before me.

It was Thursday at 6 pm. I was finishing up grading papers and answering last minute emails before we headed for Florida the next morning. I quickly skimmed an email from Carnival running through my check list in my head making sure I had packed everything we needed for the perfect Christmas Cruise. I was bubbling over with excitement. 

Then in the second it takes to delete an email the thought came over me, “Brandon had to renew his license this year. Did I?” I walked over to check and sure enough my license had expired over two months ago! I do what any rational human being in 2019 would do, I check Google to see what the penalty is for driving with an expired license.  

At this point I only have a rain cloud over me that is just sending down a shower. I call my husband. I have to break the bad news he may have to do all the driving to/from Florida.

In comes the storm. My husband gives me new perspective. I may not be able to get on the boat with an expired license! I make multiple calls to Carnival and a call to Homeland Security. 

My husband was correct, I was not getting on the cruise ship.

I would like to say I handled the next scene in my life with grace as I told my husband he should take the kids without me. But his response was no. There was no consoling me. I completely lost it. You know the scene from Steel Magnolia when M’Lynn (Sally Field) is surrounded by her friends after her daughters funeral and she is losing it? She is crying, screaming, angry, and then just wants to shake it all off. Every part of this is me. I have only lost it like this a few times in my life, one being when we lost our son Alexander.

As silly as it may seem, this was a loss for me. For months I had planned, purchased, and packed for what was going to replace A Broken Christmas. I was losing it all over something so silly, something I could have prevented if I had just noticed. I was the cause of it all. 

We decided to head to the DMV first thing in the morning and hope a temporary license would be enough to get me on the cruise ship. 

I didn’t fully calm down that evening until I spoke to my sister. She reminded me that contrary to my own belief I am not in control. She even fired back to me my favorite verse Jeremiah 29:11 

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

She reminded me if God didn’t want us to be on the boat, He would put a barrier in the way. As hard as it would be I can be rest assured there is a purpose. She also reminded me during this breakdown we learned some things about our family. My husband is a family man, unwilling to waiver to my cries to do what’s best for the family unit. Xavier, my oldest son, had embraced me and told me, “he didn’t want to go without me” and my daughter Irelyn quietly prayed to God reporting back she knew it was all going to be ok. In a crisis our family was strong. 

Fast forward 55 hours. 

I awoke to the boat rocking far more than it had been. I do the worst thing imaginable next. I got up and looked out the window. To my horror I thought I was in the movie The Perfect Storm. The waves were massive. I felt like we were in the middle of an angry ocean. I slowly backed away from the window and back into bed. As I laid there I reflected on the past 55 hours:

• license expired
• on Friday two Carnival ships collided in the port we were destined for
• Saturday morning Luke was so anxious he was sick to his stomach saying, “we weren’t going to make it. We should go home.”

I could have let this keep me awake all night. I could have awaken my husband to let him worry with me. I could have. 

Here is the thing. There was nothing I could do but trust. I had to trust that God was in control. 

Trust that sail or sink God is all knowing. 

It was in this trust and the comfort I had the people who mean the most in the room with me, I could fall back to sleep. 

Good news, when I woke the next morning the sun was shining and we had the best vacation. We created life long memories, laughter, and moments we will cherish for years to come.

While cruising I noticed how Carnival cruise was all about the details. Every towel in the shape of an animal, the butter on Christmas in the shape of trees, phones given to kids with special needs for the kids fun rooms, no trash cans because the staff is constantly walking around and taking care of it for you, and someone was always cleaning- stairs, floors, banisters, tables. My favorite detail is how the staff knew us personally. From the minute you met them to the second you walked off the boat they took the time to know the details. They learned our names and said hello by name every time they saw us. When Luke asked for apple juice after the first night at dinner, it was on the table from that night on waiting for us. I was so impressed with how well the staff took the time for the details. 

Just like when you get a new car and then you realize how many of the exact same car are out there, I began to notice more details. How the sun when it rises over the ocean it looks like a small horizontal beam of light or when you have been in the middle of an ocean for a while… LAND! How the ocean in Mexico is a beautiful, indescribable color of blue. The remains of the devastation of a hurricane from 2004. The awe of a sea turtle’s size. Someone’s ability to paint a picture with only his fingers. Genuine conversations with strangers. 

God is in the details. 

Have you noticed? 

A detail just for me was on Christmas morning, we were enjoying the sun on the pool deck when a teenage boy walked by with a scar down his chest. It was the sign of open heart surgery. Cue the tears. I looked at my husband and asked if he saw it. He of course had not. This was my Christmas miracle, a reminder of my son. I miss him on Christmas more than any other day of the year and I needed not only a reminder of him, but a reminder of trust. 

I believe I can plan every little detail, but I make mistakes. I miss the details. 

But He never does.

He knows every detail before it even appears. He has planned it all with perfect precision.

“Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.” Luke 12:7

I am not one to make a New Year’s Resolution, but this year I want to trust more and rely on myself less. I want to notice the God created details. 

What details do you focus on? Do you have a hard time trusting God in the details?