My legs were burning and my heart beating furiously inside of my chest. It was difficult to breathe despite how hard I concentrated on bringing it to a rhythm. I was gasping and I needed to stop. “It’s all in your head. You are almost there,” I told myself with each step. It didn’t matter. I was done. 

Publishing a book has been far more difficult than I imagined. It has not been a simple sprint, but rather a longer distance race. Each bend in the road I see the end in sight. 

Normal people would push through the pain, not me, I am a quitter. 

I’d rather curl up and hide. Pretend the pain doesn’t exist by lifting the rug and sweeping it under. For the past few months my cover designer has been waiting on me. She would text me and I would sweep it away, quite literally. Ignoring every tug at my heart, every question asked by friends aware of the project, and quite frankly ignoring God. 

But God (there it is again) never forgets. He keeps calling even when I send Him to voicemail. He keeps showing up to remind me on my own it is impossible, but with Him all things are possible. When I begin to question how I even got here, He reminds me how He brought me here. 

In Matthew 19, Jesus is talking about Salvation. In verse 26 Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” It is certainly true with Salvation, but to me it is more than that. For me it is true with all things. Without God, I can tell you I wouldn’t be sitting here right now. In my darkest hour, I would have given up. I have told you many times I am a quitter and that moment I would have ended it all. But God showed up. He kept me grounded. He kept me safe. He kept me here. 

Almost a year ago I created a hashtag hopeinhealinghearts that I began adding to all my social media posts. It was a reminder that although your heart is hurting there is hope in healing. What I didn’t know was God was turning my book race into a half marathon. Originally, I was going to write the book for myself. I was following what I felt God was calling me into and that would be it. I was only relying on what I could do. Slowly, God began pushing me to do more. Reluctantly I began this blog, telling myself I would take it a week at a time. 

Each time I’d say, “I am done blogging. This was my last week,” I would get an email from someone telling me the “hope” I have reminded them of. 

Hope. 

So simple and yet so important. Recently I read about the Air Force’s “Rules of Three” which states a human being can not survive 3 months without companionship, 3 weeks without food, 3 days without water, 3 hours without shelter in extreme conditions, 3 minutes without air, and 3 seconds without hope. 

I vividly remember moments when I felt like I had lost all hope. It physically takes your breath away. If I can bring just one person a reminder of hope through Jesus each week, then this race is worth it. 

But God began watering the seed of the hashtag I created. He began to show me this is not really a half marathon, but a marathon. I haven’t been given the distance yet, but I am worried this could turn into a triathlon. With God all things are possible (on repeat). 

We are preparing for a “soft launch” of this stretch in the marathon, Hope In Healing Hearts LLC. 

Our mission is to provide hope through resources and community for those who are healing from life’s heartbreaks. 

We do not want a parent to feel alone in their journey after child loss, while battling childhood anxiety, climbing the highs and lows of marriage, or any life event that causes heartbreak. 

Our first venture after publishing Hope (Amidst the Stories I Told Myself) is to team up with Duke Medical Center. All profits from my first book will go toward providing books for parents after they lose a child in the cardiac unit. No parent should have to feel the depths of despair alone and my hope is they will find peace through Christ. As we grow, so will our opportunity to reach more parents. 

I firmly believe God has placed people in my life to be a part of the marathon with me. So whether you were training me before, cheering me on along the way, or waiting for the opportunity to hand me water to push through, I need you. 

If you would like to be a part of this marathon sign up to receive my emails.

Currently only one email is sent out a month BUT I have some exciting announcements and sneak peaks that I will be sharing to my subscribers. 

As scary as it all is, this is just the beginning, I will keep running until God tells me I have crossed the finish line.