One morning in college I woke up to a dead bird in my bed. I screamed and then I cried. I had rolled over on my beloved green cheek conure, Jack. 

I also kill plants. 

If you are ever looking to bring me a gift of fresh cut flowers or a potted plant, always pick coffee, I mean flowers. I love the idea of beautiful planted flowers, but I am 99% sure in every garden center the plants see me coming and begin telling their fellow friends goody-bye. Not because they are going to a good home, but because they know this is the end. 

Maybe you can keep plants and pets alive, but I am guessing you too have this desire to appear put together. 

At what point did we all become a bunch of “posers”?

I too am scrolling through social media and seeing everyone’s highlight reels. The problem is I actually like to see the highlights. I choose Instagram over FB because I tend to be “happier” after scrolling. I want to smile at accomplishments, kids, pets, and beautiful things. I often don’t want to see the behind the scenes because those are the hard moments, the dark moments. 

Scrolling through social media’s “highlight reels” is a mindless escape. 

Escape from reality.
Escape from responsibility.
Escape from emotions.
Escape from the “to do” lists.
Escape from relationships.
Escape from commitments.
Escape from convictions. 

What are you using the scroll to escape? 

Scrolling through social media is bringing something else that is dead, me. 

Escaping makes me emotionally detached from my family, friends, and Jesus. 

5 They went across the lake to the region of the Gerasenes. 2 When Jesus got out of the boat, a man with an impure spirit came from the tombs to meet him. 3 This man lived in the tombs, and no one could bind him anymore, not even with a chain. 4 For he had often been chained hand and foot, but he tore the chains apart and broke the irons on his feet. No one was strong enough to subdue him. 5 Night and day among the tombs and in the hills he would cry out and cut himself with stones.

When I read this in Mark 5 this week, I didn’t see someone crazy. Yes, I am aware Luke describes it as a man demon possessed for a long time. But I see a man who began just like you and me. A man that is someone’s son, someone’s brother, someone’s friend, and maybe even someone’s father. A man who even society didn’t want to deal with. I see a man who has been tortured to the point he himself no longer wants to live anymore. I see a man who looked a lot like me. 

What brought him to this point? What broke him enough that Satan was able to take over? Was it a slow break over time or the harsh reality of a life circumstance? Did he too lose a child? Was a part of his torment this reminder each day?

I am thankful that after my son Alex died, the only social media was MySpace. I didn’t spend mindless hours scrolling. I was already losing my will to fight and wanting to remove myself from the reality of the world. I can only imagine how much worse off I would have been if I could have used social media to further my removal from reality. 

Then I read this,

6 When he saw Jesus from a distance, he ran and fell on his knees in front of him. 

As I dug into commentary I realized yet again, I saw a different man then they did. I saw a broken, should be a momma. I saw her running in desperation for her last chance to be ridded of the suffering filling her very soul. I saw myself. 

Can you see yourself? Can you see the very moment you knew if you didn’t fall on your knees at Jesus feet, your next breath may never come? Can you taste the salt across your lips and the blood draining from your wrists as you cry out? Can you feel the tug in your soul between wanting to seek Jesus and the darkness that wants to keep you tired, broken, and hopeless?

The good news is, even when I am not enough, Jesus is. 

Even when everything I try to care for wilts at my fingertips, Jesus renews.

Even when I feel overwhelmed, angry, frustrated, annoyed, and full of dark places, Jesus restores.

Jesus doesn’t want just the “put together” parts of us. He wants the dead parts, the broken parts, and the parts that feel unrepairable. He wants all of me. He wants all of you. 

It is time to run. Fall to your knees.