The moment I saw the two lines turn bright pink, everything changed. Okay let me backup, the very first thought that came to mind was one of the lines will disappear that HAS to be how this test works. Thus began a loud conversation through the bathroom door of our townhouse because we had been married for such a short amount of time the doors still remained closed for such occasions.
But once my husband confirmed the box did indeed say two lines means pregnant, everything changed. I was in complete control of everything I put in. What I ate and drank was no longer about my own health but that of a living, growing baby.
I controlled everything in my environment. The stressors, my exercise, and even the people around me as I wanted nothing to hinder my child’s health.
I was in control.
In Genesis we are introduced to a woman named Rachel. A woman who so desperately wanted children, who had great sibling rivalry, who finally was granted a child, then began worshipping idols, and eventually was killed in childbirth. If you like a good drama, look no further than The Bible and the Beautiful.
This past week I began reading Matthew when I came across Matthew 2:18
18
“A voice is heard in Ramah,
weeping and great mourning,
Rachel weeping for her children
and refusing to be comforted,
because they are no more.”
A similar voice can be heard across North Carolina, California, Michigan, Oklahoma, Ohio, England, Australia, and every place in between. As I have been moving into this season of Joy I am drowning in grief. Yes, it has been 14 years, but as every angel momma knows, there is no time stamp on your healing.
After I sighed a long moment of validation (for my weeping, for my refusal to be comforted, for my mourning, for my grief), I began to wonder what this verse really referred to.
In Jeremiah 31 it says this,
15 This is what the Lord says
“A voice is heard in Ramah,
mourning and great weeping,
Rachel weeping for her children
and refusing to be comforted,
because they are no more.”
16 This is what the Lord says:
“Restrain your voice from weeping
and your eyes from tears,
for your work will be rewarded,”
declares the Lord.
“They will return from the land of the enemy.
17
So there is hope for your descendants,”
declares the Lord.
“Your children will return to their own land.
Rachel is not actually crying, but it is figurative. She had actually been buried by this point in the scripture, but the offspring of Israel was taken captive into slavery by the Assyrians. Because Rachel is buried near here and is known for her deep desire to have children, it is said she would have cried out for the children.
But there is HOPE in God’s response. He promises the tears are not ignored and her cries are not unheard, for there is HOPE.
So when we see it again in Matthew 2, Jesus has been born and King Herod has been duped.
16 When Herod realized that he had been outwitted by the Magi, he was furious, and he gave orders to kill all the boys in Bethlehem and its vicinity who were two years old and under, in accordance with the time he had learned from the Magi. 17 Then what was said through the prophet Jeremiah was fulfilled:
18
“A voice is heard in Ramah,
weeping and great mourning,
Rachel weeping for her children
and refusing to be comforted,
because they are no more.”
Rachel is again crying for all the children. But I don’t think she is just crying for the children that are lost, but for the mothers who are left behind to mourn. Mothers are supposed to be strong, resilient, and protective. When we can’t protect our own children we refuse to be comforted, we cry out with great agony.
The weight of empty arms is too much to bear.
19 After Herod died, an angel of the Lord appeared in a dream to Joseph in Egypt 20 and said, “Get up, take the child and his mother and go to the land of Israel, for those who were trying to take the child’s life are dead.”
21 So he got up, took the child and his mother and went to the land of Israel. 22 But when he heard that Archelaus was reigning in Judea in place of his father Herod, he was afraid to go there. Having been warned in a dream, he withdrew to the district of Galilee, 23 and he went and lived in a town called Nazareth. So was fulfilled what was said through the prophets, that he would be called a Nazarene.
Yet again, we find HOPE, hope in Jesus.
When I lost Alex, I lost all control.
The grief is a continuous cycle of losing control. I can’t control when it hits, how long it lasts, or how hard it knocks me down.
Hey Momma, I am telling you (and reminding myself), there is HOPE. Our tears are not to be brushed aside, our children mean something. Our mourning is not to be hushed, our children’s name should be spoken. Our weeping should not be rushed, as time can not the significance of our sorrow.
But we can control our focus.
Focus on the HOPE. We will see our sweet babies again. We will hold them, rock them, smell their hair, kiss their cheeks, and it will feel as if no time has even passed.
Moving into the Christmas season let’s remember Jesus brings the HOPE of being reunited with our babies once again.
Without Him, our mourning would be desolate.
