As tears streaked my friends face, she confided in me the day she had. A day that hit me in the gut because I knew all too well the story she told. 

I’m betting if you are a momma you know the feeling too. The feeling that no one in your house listens. You may as well be talking to the wall, because the people who live within your home are staring back just as blankly. 

The gentle reminders we give our children in an attempt to not “mother smother,” are left ignored. 

The great effort to be calm, patient, and loving flew out the window when the very thing you kindly reminded them to to do so was once again forgotten. 

Mom rage: red face, wide eyes, voice elevated; talking so fast a breath isn’t taken, while hands are possibly moving frantically while pacing, all directed towards our children. 

“Reel it back in.” 

When I hit mom rage I hear myself saying, “Reel it back in,” but yet the other part of me is justifying the need to clarify why I am right and how they should have listened. 

You know who else doesn’t listen to directions, gentle reminders, and nudges? Me. It is me. Is it you too?

Good news, despite my horrible reaction even though I “call myself a Christian,” God isn’t me. God doesn’t respond like I do. Thank goodness!

One of the best examples of this can be found in Genesis 3. After God had gently instructed Adam and Eve to eat from anything but the tree of knowledge (Genesis 2: 16-17), they did as our children do and ate from the tree anyway. I know what I would do if I found my kids eating the brownies I had made after I had specifically told them not to; mom rage. You know, yell things like, “why doesn’t anyone listen around here? You have now spoiled your dinner! You would have gotten some, just not now!” Sound like your house or is it just me?

Not God. God isn’t me. 

Genesis 3:9, 11, 13 
9 But the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?”
11 And he said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?”
13 Then the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?”

He “called” to them, He “said” to them. No harsh words or raised voice was used, as far as I can tell. In fact, an explanation point was used only once in verses 9-24 when He spoke a direct command to the serpent, not to Adam or Eve. 

Was there consequences for their actions? Yes! We learn them in verses 16-19:

16 To the woman he said,
“I will make your pains in childbearing very severe;
    with painful labor you will give birth to children.
Your desire will be for your husband,
    and he will rule over you.”
17 To Adam he said, “Because you listened to your wife and ate fruit from the tree about which I commanded you, ‘You must not eat from it,’
“Cursed is the ground because of you;
    through painful toil you will eat food from it    all the days of your life.
18 It will produce thorns and thistles for you,
    and you will eat the plants of the field.
19 By the sweat of your brow
    you will eat your food
until you return to the ground,
    since from it you were taken;
for dust you are
    and to dust you will return.”

But none of the consequences were dealt out of rage or in a high pitched, breathless voice. He even made them clothes before they had to leave (verse 21). Doesn’t sound to me at all like the person I become when dealing out consequences. 

I will give myself a little credit, I do think since homeschooling I have simmered my mom rage. But it is still something I am constantly reminding myself of and trying to work on.

How do I reign in my Mom Rage?

1. Keep calm. Take a deep breath (or twenty). Count to 3. Remove yourself from the room if needed. All this should be done BEFORE you begin to address the issue. I have learned when I address the issue in the moment, I have a much harder time reigning it back in once I start reeling. 
2. Face to face. It is easier to yell in the car or pacing around the room. Sit face to face with your child instead. As you look at your child’s eyes it is much harder to continue to rage. Despite what it may appear, they want your approval and don’t want to disappoint you.
3. Date night. If #2 seems impossible because your child refuses to make eye contact, rolls their eyes, or has severe disobedience, it is time for some one on one time. The relationship needs to be rebuilt. This may take time to rebuild the trust, but it is worth the investment. 
4. Consequences not punishment. When dealing with consequences it is best to remember it should fit the crime. It is not a “punishment,” but a direct consequence of the action. So if your teenager is being mouthy perhaps the consequence is they must compliment every person in the family every day for a week. A reminder to be kind and find the good in others. If your preschooler took a toy from their brother/sister, perhaps they have to spend the day sharing their favorite toy instead. If your child forgot their dance shoes, despite the reminder to grab them maybe they have to spend the next day organizing the shoe closet. We are quick to take away things from our children and definitely removing technology can and should be used, but introducing new consequences will help them remember it the next time. 
5. Give yourself grace. Remember there is always room to ask for forgiveness and to start over again. The way kids learn to ask for forgiveness and to give forgiveness is through the behavior being modeled. 

Mom rage isn’t abnormal, but I would like to not be remembered as “that mom.” How about you?