Today is the first day of school for many across the United States and I am bracing myself for the impact it will have. When I look back on my own childhood, my mother took our photo every year on the first day of school, it was a right of passage. This is a tradition that at the time, I thought only our family did. Living in the share everything world we live in today, I quickly realized this tradition is universal. Even as we officially begin homeschool today, I will be taking and then posting my kids “first day of school” pictures.
But later, as I scroll, I will be hit with the reality, one is missing.
Today my child would be entering his sophomore year of high school. He would have his learners permit and this momma would be holding her breath until his 16 birthday when he could drive. He would be blonde with blue eyes. He would be smart with a smart mouth (they know it all at this age). He would hate that I’m taking his picture but he would do it anyway, just to make me happy.
But instead, I will scroll and cry. Each tear will be for all that I have missed already and all the things I wish I could say.
I am not alone in my sorrow. Across this world there are momma’s who are also silently crying. Some of us may “like” your pictures today. Some of us may keep scrolling looking for a good puppy picture or a funny meme. Others of us will avoid social media like Covid in March 2020.
Whenever I think of a loss momma I think of Mary, the mother of Jesus. She knew from the beginning her child would be different, but I am positive she never imagined the pain He would endure. So many of us witnessed our children pass before us. I can’t even begin to describe the agony it feels to see your child in pain, to watch them slip away from you, and to know there is nothing you can do to change it.
John 19:25 Near the cross of Jesus stood his mother, his mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. 26 When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to her, “Woman, here is your son,” 27 and to the disciple, “Here is your mother.” From that time on, this disciple took her into his home.
Despite being nailed to the cross after being flogged, a crown of thorns pushed into his skull, and carrying his own cross 2,000 feet, He still took the time to address his friends about his mother. With his father passed away it is Jewish custom for him to take care of his mother and now He is leaning on His friends.
Jesus experienced the anguish of grief when Lazarus died. The Bible says, in John 11:35 Jesus wept. Therefore Jesus knew His mother would grieve His loss. Jesus knew she would need help not only in the traditional sense, but in her grief.
There is no amount of time that can ever replace the loss of a child.
Grief doesn’t just “go away.” As we live each day without our baby, we move onto a new pathway. Sometimes the path is clear and we can skip or leap. While other times the terrain is barely manageable. These are the days we need friends to hold our hand to remind us we are not alone.
If you know a loss momma, reach out today. Say their child’s name. Remind them that not only do you remember their child but you recognize the loss they feel. Ask them if they are ok. If you don’t know what to say, that is ok. We only want to know they are remembered.
