Two mothers fighting over a child, one sword, one king with the power, and the wisdom to know what to do. A few weeks ago I read what is considered to be the decision that proved King Solomon to be given great wisdom from God. But as I read from 1 Kings 3:16-28 I was overcome with empathy for these mothers.
16 Now two prostitutes came to the king and stood before him. 17 One of them said, “Pardon me, my lord. This woman and I live in the same house, and I had a baby while she was there with me. 18 The third day after my child was born, this woman also had a baby. We were alone; there was no one in the house but the two of us.
19 “During the night this woman’s son died because she lay on him. 20 So she got up in the middle of the night and took my son from my side while I your servant was asleep. She put him by her breast and put her dead son by my breast. 21 The next morning, I got up to nurse my son—and he was dead! But when I looked at him closely in the morning light, I saw that it wasn’t the son I had borne.”
22 The other woman said, “No! The living one is my son; the dead one is yours.”
But the first one insisted, “No! The dead one is yours; the living one is mine.” And so they argued before the king.
23 The king said, “This one says, ‘My son is alive and your son is dead,’ while that one says, ‘No! Your son is dead and mine is alive.’”
24 Then the king said, “Bring me a sword.” So they brought a sword for the king. 25 He then gave an order: “Cut the living child in two and give half to one and half to the other.”
26 The woman whose son was alive was deeply moved out of love for her son and said to the king, “Please, my lord, give her the living baby! Don’t kill him!”
But the other said, “Neither I nor you shall have him. Cut him in two!”
27 Then the king gave his ruling: “Give the living baby to the first woman. Do not kill him; she is his mother.”
28 When all Israel heard the verdict the king had given, they held the king in awe, because they saw that he had wisdom from God to administer justice.
I then began a week-long search for more information. I have poured over commentaries and sermons over this scripture, but what all of them are missing is the discussion of grief. Before losing my son, I have read this scripture the same as everyone else.
This passage isn’t just about a king’s wisdom, but an example of the depths of grief and despair.
Can we talk about these momma’s for a minute? One mother has awakened to the reality she has accidentally rolled on her child in the night. We all know the exhaustion of birth and a newborn. I can only imagine this momma was not only in disbelief to what has happened but denial.
Commentaries give this momma a bad reputation of being “selfish” and “not a good mother” but I see a mother who is grieving.
No one can tell you exactly how they will respond when tragedy strikes. We can all “imagine” how we would act.
But I am here to tell you losing a child flips everything over, spins you around, and nothing appears as it seems.
I of course am speaking for myself, but I felt as if I had lost my mind. During the day I was a walking zombie from exhaustion and would loathe the thought of peeling myself from the bed. As the night would fall nothing could convince me to go to sleep. Throughout the night I would wake to a baby crying and would wander aimlessly around the house, ending in the nursery.
My situation was of course different from this mother. I was able to say good-bye to my child and I wasn’t tortured with another living baby within arms reach. Let me be clear, I am in no way giving this mother permission to abduct another mother’s child, I am just pointing out that it is not as clear, simple, or easy as it appears.
Mother One:
-fear of the shame surrounding the accident
-fear of the punishment if someone finds out
-fear of life without a child
Trying to explain the deep fear and shame that surrounds child loss has no words. As a mother, no matter the situation for the loss, you feel as if you are a failure. Your job is to keep your child alive and when you are unable to do that, there is shame that fills the depth of your soul.
When we feel shame and despair we make choices we wouldn’t normally make.
This mother chose to swap her baby with her friends during the night. No one can say exactly how long this mother would have kept this ruse going, but I think it is safe to say it is one of those lies that immediately traps you. A lie that seems like a good idea in the dark, but in the light no matter how wrong it is, you can not go back on. A lie that has immediate effects on those who are involved.
Mother Two has awaken to her own fears:
-fear of loss
-fear she will never get her child back
-fear no one will believe her
This mother is also dealing with loss. At first she believes her child has passed during the night, but in daylight realizes her child has instead been abducted. I can’t even imagine the emotions surrounding these circumstances.
The difference this mother makes to deal with her tragedy is worth taking note; she seeks wise counsel. She does not try to solve it herself. She does not try to ruin this other grieving mothers reputation by letting her emotions get the best of her. She instead takes the horrific dispute to the king.
As King Solomon gives his decision to cut the child in half, the mothers respond in two different ways:
26 The woman whose son was alive was deeply moved out of love for her son and said to the king, “Please, my lord, give her the living baby! Don’t kill him!”
But the other said, “Neither I nor you shall have him. Cut him in two!”
Again, this is probably going to be a super unpopular opinion (I am not a Biblical scholar and am merely sharing from personal experience on child loss), this is grief. No two people grieve the same way. I don’t believe Mother One wanted harm to the child it is just that she was in deep mourning and didn’t want anyone else to have what she couldn’t.
Before you go huffing and puffing to that remark consider this: have you ever had a boy/girl break up with you and then you wanted your friends to be “single” too so you aren’t alone in your grief? Have you ever secretly not been happy about someone’s new car, house, or raise because you couldn’t have it too? Losing a child is fifty million times worse.
If I told you that my soul didn’t ache for my child to the point that I was broken when I saw others with their healthy child the same age as mine, I would be lying to you. I never wished harm on their child nor wanted them to experience my agony, but I certainly did not want to be around the child/mother.
There is no “what to expect when you lose a child” book with each day mapped out.
But this story is a pretty great example. When you lose a child you may make some horrible mistakes, say things that are deemed unforgivable, or feel like you are in a lie you can not get out of. The reality is you have the opportunity to seek wise counsel.
The wise counsel is at your finger tips and in the words of the Bible. It may not be easy to understand, but when you ask for guidance and wisdom, He will provide it.
