It is certainly the time of year when we get overwhelmed with demands, commitments, and expectations. We are pulled this way and that way, chugging along to the “I think I can” mantra, belting out “I Will Survive,” or perhaps even sliding a few air punches to Rocky theme music, all in an effort to make it through the season. 

Guess what? You can say NO!

There, I said it. 

Why have we become the generation that believes all the cute matchy, matchy pictures on Instagram are REAL? 

Sure, they are real people. Sure they are a real family. Sure the one corner of their house they used for the picture is perfect. But the reality behind all the pictures is probably very different then what is portrayed. We are all guilty of living this lie. 

This season will you join me in saying “no” to all the “things” and saying “yes” to God instead?

Too soon? Wait, don’t leave. Let me explain. 

One year ago I released a book, HOPE (Amidst the Stories I Told Myself): How to Find Hope in Love and Loss. For me personally it was a big deal not only because it was a lot more work than I ever imagined and I still finished it, but because it was a “yes” to God I had run from for ten years. 

Oh yes, if you don’t know the story go back to the beginning Because I Said So! and Just Call Me Jonah. 

Maybe you are like me and you like living in sweatpants (even the yoga pants sometimes feel too constricting), wearing socks to bed, and hair up in a messy bun. It is called comfortable and who doesn’t like being comfy? I can live in my comfy lane over here without any problems at all. When I am comfy I am also busy. You know, filling all my time with all the “things” because when I am living comfy and busy, I don’t have time to listen to God’s calling for me. 

Recently I was back reading Ruth because I always find hidden nuggets in her story. First of all, Ruth is the queen of daughter-in-law status. We can all learn from Ruth on how to be a better daughter-in-law. You see Naomi was Ruth’s mother-in-law and when Naomi’s husband died and followed ten years later by her two sons death she was beside herself. The grief was more than Naomi could handle. 

8 Then Naomi said to her two daughters-in-law, “Go back, each of you, to your mother’s home. May the Lord show you kindness, as you have shown kindness to your dead husbands and to me. 9 May the Lord grant that each of you will find rest in the home of another husband.”

Then she kissed them goodbye and they wept aloud 10 and said to her, “We will go back with you to your people.”

11 But Naomi said, “Return home, my daughters. Why would you come with me? Am I going to have any more sons, who could become your husbands? 12 Return home, my daughters; I am too old to have another husband. Even if I thought there was still hope for me—even if I had a husband tonight and then gave birth to sons— 13 would you wait until they grew up? Would you remain unmarried for them? No, my daughters. It is more bitter for me than for you, because the Lord’s hand has turned against me!”

Ruth 1:8-13

For those of us who have experienced grief first hand probably can understand Naomi here. She is clearly bitter and pushes away those who are near to her. 

14 At this they wept aloud again. Then Orpah kissed her mother-in-law goodbye, but Ruth clung to her.

15 “Look,” said Naomi, “your sister-in-law is going back to her people and her gods. Go back with her.”

16 But Ruth replied, “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. 17 Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if even death separates you and me.” 18 When Naomi realized that Ruth was determined to go with her, she stopped urging her.

19 So the two women went on until they came to Bethlehem. When they arrived in Bethlehem, the whole town was stirred because of them, and the women exclaimed, “Can this be Naomi?”

20 “Don’t call me Naomi,” she told them. “Call me Mara, because the Almighty has made my life very bitter. 

Ruth 1:14-20

Orpah saw the chance and took it. There was no “third times a charm” for her, she saw Noami’s perspective and left. 

But Ruth, an ordinary woman, realized Noami’s God was not the same as what she had known her whole life and chose to stay in an uncomfortable situation. A situation where she would be looked down upon as a widow and in a position of standing beside her mother-in-law who is so wrecked with grief she changes her name to mean “bitter.” 

“God will always give us what is within our ability, but it will not always be within our comfort.” Amber Olafsson

Time and time again throughout Ruth we see her doing what is within her ability, but not comfortable. She spent all day picking up the leftover grain in the fields (Ruth 2) and then followed the instruction of her mother-in-law to lay at the feet of Boaz on the threshing floor (Ruth 3). Ruth listens. Ruth follows through. In the end Ruth finds not only favor, but is the great grandmother of King David and an ancestor of Jesus!

A simple, ordinary woman who said, “yes” was used in a way Orpah was not. Because I am a nerd and wanted to know what happened to Orpah, a quick google search leads me to believe she is the mother of Goliath (here is the link for those who find this as interesting as I do). 

At this point you are wondering what does all of this have to do with you joining me in saying “no” to all the “things” and saying “yes” to God instead? Remove your sweatpants ladies because it is about to get uncomfortable in here.

First, you have to place yourself in the position to hear the things God is telling you to say, “yes” to. This is going to require rest. Being still requires us to say, “no” to all the things that make us busy and unavailable to being quiet with Him. 

He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.” 
Psalm 46:10

Second, you have to be able to identify His voice. Remember before we got caller ID and we could instantly recognize someone’s voice even in just the simple, “hello”? We can recognize a voice that we are familiar with. The way we do this is by being in His Word. The more time we spend in His Word and with Him, the more familiar we become with His voice.

21 Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.”
Isaiah 30:21

Finally, you have to have peace. God does not instill fear in us. You can find the phrase “fear not” in the Bible over 300 times! When you are called to do something you may not be comfortable, but you will have peace. 

When I prayed to God for Him to heal Alex and I knew He told me, “no” I was not happy with the answer or comfortable with the result of the answer, but I had a peace beyond all understanding. When I finally said “yes” to writing the book I knew He was calling me to write, I was 1000% not comfortable throughout the entire process but I have a peace that this is exactly where He wants me to be. When we decided to start Hope in Healing Hearts and take zero profit from the sale of all our HOPE related books on child loss in order to give away HOPE to parents after child loss, the financial burden was not comfortable. The peace that was given in the decision was far beyond the financial hardship. 

But if I am being completely honest, I have not been good about saying “yes” lately. I have pulled my sweatpants way up in Urkel fashion and have gotten comfortable. Sure I have continued to blog (not nearly as consistently) and sure I have had some speaking engagements, but only one was out of my comfort zone. 

It is time to get uncomfortable again. 

Our mission at Hope in Healing Hearts is to provide hope through resources and community to those healing from life’s heartbreaks. I have begun the resources but I have not been great at the community aspect. The crazy thing is I LOVE COMMUNITY. Recently while searching for a new church, I was complaining to my husband about churches not having small groups when my 14 year old son chimed in with, “Mom, if you can’t find it at a church then maybe you should start it.” Here I am several months later and still have not created a community like I have had for the past 11 years through small groups. While reading over our mission statement with HHH I knew now is the time. 

This community is going to begin on Facebook. It is a private group so that it remains a safe place for conversation in the community. We will not just discuss grief from child loss but from the loss of a parent, the loss of a spouse, the loss of a friend, church hurt, fear, anxiety, depression and all of life’s heartbreaks. 

I don’t know all the “ins and out” of how it will all look, but I am saying “yes!” If you are reading this and you feel like you can help me lead in this community please email me at candice@candicedeleeuw.com 

Even though I have no idea what my next steps will be along the path of saying “yes” here is what I do know saying “yes” has done this past year:

-492 books have been sold
-9 partnerships with HHH across the United States providing 253 HOPE books for parents after child loss
-152 additional books shipped off and given away to grieving momma’s 
-13 speaking engagements and a guest on 5 different podcasts to share the message of HOPE
-36 other momma’s have used my platform to share their child’s story.
-$1694 donations received through our Adopt A Mom Program

We are just getting started and I am believing in big things for you in this season too!