If you have ever been around kids then you will hear how unfair their life is multiple times a day. Some examples to list a few:

• They got more than me!
• I want to do that!
• Why can’t I stay up later?
• Why can’t I… (literally insert anything and everything here)?
• Why do I have to take a shower? (I wish this one was a joke!)

It is Christmas break; I am 7 months pregnant with my 4th child and we are at the happiest place on earth. We arrived before the doors opened, spent the entire (well planned) day riding, eating, and enjoying all the Magic. An hour or so before the evening parade and fireworks we found our spot between the painted “spectator” lines and joyfully spoke to those around us. The kids even fell asleep waiting. Then the parade began. In all the excitement those who had not found spots over an hour before began pushing their way into the area. One dad in particular pushed his daughter to the front and wedged himself next to a very exhausted and pregnant me. I gave him a “this is not my Sunday face” attitude. He proceeded to tell me that he had been waiting in line all day and this was his right. I said, “We have ALL been waiting all day in lines and we all waited here for over an hour.” I honestly didn’t expect this to change his mind, but what he did next pushed my “this is NOT FAIR” button. He began filming on his camcorder which he placed directly in front of my face. This guy was my size. I was full of hormones. I could totally take him. Thankfully my husband could feel the heart firing from deep within my soul and asked me if I was going to punch the guy. When I looked at the man square in the face and responded with “yep!” He took my shoulders and had us switch places, also making it impossible for the man to record the parade. Not my proudest moment, but one that still makes me laugh to look back at. 

We all have these laughable “it’s not fair!” moments. Moments that in retrospect wasn’t that big of a deal. But what about the moments when it really doesn’t seem fair.

• Someone else gets the job promotion /recognition I worked hard for/deserved
• Someone else finds their soulmate 
• Someone else has this or that
• Someone else is accomplishing my dream 
• Someone else got the miracle I prayed for

As my youth girls would say to that, “oof.” You see a few weekends ago; I had a rough time at church (I spoke about it briefly last week in BE STILL). Before the Worship Experience began my friend and staff member, Jackie, warned me there was a video of a child with a heart defect and that she thought it was the same defect as my Alex. I was excited. Someone else just like us. But I wasn’t quite ready for what I was going to feel. 

The video broke me. Although, their son has the same heart condition, their story is much different from ours. Their story of a miracle is our story of loss. Thankfully my husband and I were asked to volunteer with the usher team that Sunday because quite honestly, I just wanted to run out the back door. (JUST CALL ME JONAH)

Just before the sermon I slipped out quickly to grab a pen, when I ran into a friend from my eGroup. I broke down in front of her. Once the words spilled out of my mouth, “This is not fair! Why can’t my story be this story?” I could then say, “ok” and walk back in. 

I was trying my hardest to brush away these feelings, but they were right in front of me, blocking my view. As I listened to Larry Brey preach, I was nodding my head and writing quickly, this was for me. When he got to the part about his dad the tears began flowing faster than I could wipe them. He was preaching FOR ME. 

I was so frustrated because I have worked through these feelings. I have SEEN the OTHER SIDE. I am LIVING in the other side. For the first time in13 years I feel like I am doing exactly what He has called me to do. Yet, here I am feeling lost. Here I am still feeling angry, vulnerable, and with the “why me?” mentality. 

“But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

Romans 8:25-28 NIV

Ironically, our word for the year is Promise. During the second Worship Experience when I watched the video again, I was ok. Same video. Same outcome. The only change was my perspective. Thanks to the sermon I was reminded, nevertheless God is with me and God will use me.  

What are your “not fair” moments? What prayers do you feel has gone unheard? How has God used your “not fair” moments to bring purpose and promise? 

Maybe you are stuck in a cycle of “not fair” moments. Those are SO HARD. But nevertheless God is with you too and He is using these moments to work for your good. Keep pushing. Keep praying. Never lose hope.