Faith: Complete trust or confidence in someone or something. 

I am a horrible manager. To be a good manager one must be a great leader and willing to delegate. This is where I stumble. I realized I had a problem in high school. I was in charge of the pep assembly. It was well organized and every detail planned perfectly. The problem was I was a frazzled mess (hot mess was not yet a term used in the ‘90’s). I had others helping me during the assembly doing various roles, however I didn’t allow them to help me in the preparations. The reason: I can’t trust they will complete the task or even do it the way I would. 

This need for control may have trickled into my marriage. I may also have a problem with my husband loading the dishwasher. Instead of reorganizing it each time it is just easier to do it myself. Yes, I am fully aware my husband is a genius. 

The inability to completely trust also trickles into my friendships:

• If I don’t say “yes” to this favor will they still talk to me? 
• If I don’t coordinate the meet up will anyone reach out?
• If I share my vulnerable feelings will I be validated or laughed at?
• If I am vulnerable will I then be stabbed in the back through gossip?

If I can’t completely trust that which I can physically see before me, how can I trust something I can’t see? 

Mark 10:46-52 (NIV)
46 Then they came to Jericho. As Jesus and his disciples, together with a large crowd, were leaving the city, a blind man, Bartimaeus (which means “son of Timaeus”), was sitting by the roadside begging. 47 When he heard that it was Jesus of Nazareth, he began to shout, “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!”
48 Many rebuked him and told him to be quiet, but he shouted all the more, “Son of David, have mercy on me!”
49 Jesus stopped and said, “Call him.”
So they called to the blind man, “Cheer up! On your feet! He’s calling you.”50 Throwing his cloak aside, he jumped to his feet and came to Jesus.
51 “What do you want me to do for you?” Jesus asked him.
The blind man said, “Rabbi, I want to see.”
52 “Go,” said Jesus, “your faith has healed you.” Immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus along the road.

I am not physically blind but I have flaws that interfere with my faith. I struggle with control, being vulnerable, allowing others in, sharing my faith, and countless other things. 

I struggle to trust a God I can’t see. 

There I said it. 

Here I am convicted. A man who is physically blind, but cries out. Cries out so loud those around him tell him to be quiet. Even this rebuking from the crowd doesn’t stop him from having faith in a miracle. 

I don’t need a crowd to rebuke me when I’m trapped in my own doubt. I don’t need someone else to tell me to stop asking for a miracle when I’m a prisoner in my thoughts of failure. 

The blind man doesn’t stop. He doesn’t let someone else tell him what he is or what he is not, what he deserves or what he does not. Because of this Jesus not only hears him, but calls for him. 

Jesus knows what this man needs, but yet He still asks the man. 

Jesus knows what I need, but yet He desires that I ask Him. 

When the man answers him with what he needs, Jesus heals him. He doesn’t touch him. He doesn’t use his spit to make mud to heal him. He doesn’t call out a healing on the man. Jesus tells him to “Go, your faith has healed you.” 

There are absolutely things in my life that need healing (bitterness, regret, shame, anger…) and yet I haven’t asked. 

Today I am working on having the faith of a blind man. The faith to know the blindspot in my soul will be healed today because I have complete trust in Him. 

Do you have complete trust (faith)? Would you trust enough to continue to shout despite being rebuked? How is God working on you?