To Mommas As Your Babies Head To School.

Little hand released. Tearied eyes. Scared and scattered emotions. Hi momma’s. I see you.

A few weeks before our “rainbow baby” began kindergarten, we discovered we were pregnant with our fourth baby, two years after a “successful vasectomy.” My husband was walking around chest puffed and he was elated for his superpowers. The news of this surprise pregnancy deflated all my desires to find “me” again. I knew it would be another six years before I could really be anyone other than “Brandon’s wife” or “Irelyn/Xavier’s mom.”

Here we are six years later and I am a mix of emotions. 

This time of year, moms fall into two categories:

• Moms are either dancing/rejoicing their kids are back to school.
• Moms are barely holding it together as their kids walk up to the school and then sobbing when they find their lovey sitting in the empty car seat.

I believe most moms are not one or another, but actually both. 

• Dancing to ditch the day in and day out demands of: “I’m hungry. I’m bored. Are we doing anything today? Do we have to go grocery shopping again?” 
• Dancing to be able to work nonstop without interruptions of snacks, arguing, whining, and questions. Oh, the questions.
• Dancing to get in a quiet time.
• Dancing to have a playroom stay clean for more than an hour.
• Dancing to grocery shop ALONE.
• Dancing to find “me” again.

• Crying because the constant “needs” of a toddler/preschooler are over and this has defined me for twelve years.
• Crying because they are growing up. Each year they are getting a little bigger, a little more independant, and closer to leaving the nest. 
• Crying because I have no idea who I am without my babies. 
• Crying because of the mistakes I have made in raising them.
• Crying because of all the things I should have done but never made time for.
• Crying because I have one baby who would be starting the eighth grade, but I am missing yet another “first day of school picture” and a year full of “firsts.” 

Dancing or crying doesn’t change what’s happening. These babies are growing up. They are finding their freedom. 

Today, mommas I encourage you to find in these moments yourself again. 

Find your strength.
Go work out. We all know from Elle Woods “exercise gives you endorphins; endorphins make you happy, happy people just don’t shoot their husbands!” 

Find your dignity.
You are worthy. Find your worth in the One who can provide it by spending time with Him. 

Find your joy. 
Refresh. Revive. Find your laughter and joy so that every second your kids are home you are the best you for them. 

She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. Proverbs 31:25 

Are you dancing, crying, or both? How will you find your strength, dignity, and joy during this season?