Last spring I couldn’t stop watching a show on Netflix. I was binge watching. Eight episodes that not only grabbed my attention, but called me to action. It was simple, felt “do-able,” and seemed satisfying. I started in the kitchen and quickly moved to my closet. I took every single item from the closet and dresser and dumped it on my bed. There is something about looking at the mound of clothes that makes you gasp. I was still holding on to clothes from before babies-13 years ago, clothes that are too small- just in case I lose some weight, clothes that are too big- just in case, and one of my favorite shorts from 1996 that my husband has been begging me to pitch for years.
Marie Kondo in her too polite voice and smile would be disappointed in all the things I had held on to. I slowly began to pick up each item and consider how it makes me feel. This is part of the Tidying Up method. Items that brought me joy were hung back up or folded properly (if you have seen it, then you know). Items that no longer brought me joy were told “thank you” and donated.
This process was exhausting. In general I am not a pack rat. I rarely hold on to things and I don’t put a lot of sentimental value in objects. Yet, this was still so hard.
Why do we hold onto things we don’t really need?
Recently I read this from Mark 5
35 While Jesus was still speaking, some people came from the house of Jairus, the synagogue leader. “Your daughter is dead,” they said. “Why bother the teacher anymore?” 36 Overhearing[c] what they said, Jesus told him, “Don’t be afraid; just believe.”37 He did not let anyone follow him except Peter, James and John the brother of James. 38 When they came to the home of the synagogue leader, Jesus saw a commotion, with people crying and wailing loudly. 39 He went in and said to them, “Why all this commotion and wailing? The child is not dead but asleep.” 40 But they laughed at him. After he put them all out, he took the child’s father and mother and the disciples who were with him, and went in where the child was. 41 He took her by the hand and said to her, “Talitha koum!” (which means “Little girl, I say to you, get up!”). 42 Immediately the girl stood up and began to walk around (she was twelve years old). At this they were completely astonished. 43 He gave strict orders not to let anyone know about this, and told them to give her something to eat.
The very next day I listened to a podcast, Leading Second. Brandon Stewart was speaking with Larry Brey from Elevation Church and referenced this scripture. He recognized that although all the disciples were with Jesus at this time, he only asked three of them to come in with him. Larry Brey, made the connection that even Jesus knew he couldn’t trust them all in the same way.
This struck me.
It is not just things we need to get in order but the people in our lives.
We all have people that we recognize are just for seasons. These are the easy ones. The ones that naturally we can say “thank you” and release. The friends from middle school, high school, college, a job, or your kids friends parents. These friendships form because you have something in common with them at the moment. Often these friendships are shallow. You can laugh and vent about the things you have in common, but the discussion rarely goes into personal life.
Granted some of these seasoned friends transfer into additional seasons. These are the friends who may one day still be “thank you, next” but some of them will stick around. The friendships that last gain deep roots.
It isn’t the amount of friends, or lack thereof, that concerns me, it is the type of friend that gets carried into seasons. Why am I hanging on to the friend who calls me or texts me only when she needs something from me? Why am I keeping the friend who only brings me down around for another season? Why am I allowing a friend I can’t trust to go deeper?
If Jesus could identify only three of the twelve, who were with him daily, who could hold his trust (verse 43- says to “tell no one”) then why do I expect more? The people we choose to surround ourselves with for the deep moments, the moments of significance and impact should be chosen wisely. Not everyone needs to or should know every part of you.
Friends can be decluttered too.
As I have been decluttering my friends, I realized it has had an impact on my headspace.
Yes, even your headspace can be cluttered with negative, unorganized, and out of date thoughts.
Webs of untruth can spin itself into a delicate cobweb, invading your space slowly and often unnoticed until it is overpowering.
What am I allowing in? Who I am getting advice from? Who am I really listening to?
Recently I attended a day-long conference. As I sat there listening to all the things they were saying about growing your brand, marketing yourself, and in the end becoming successful I had to evaluate myself. Is what they were pitching to me what I wanted in my life? The answer was clear, “no.” Our pastor always says, “eat the fish and leave the bones.” This is what I needed to do at the conference, with the podcasts I listen to, and the advice I take from friends. I need to take what is good and trash the rest.
Paul advised the church in Philippi in Philippians 4 on how we should focus our thoughts. This is great advice for keeping our headspace decluttered of negativity.
8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
Secretly you are still thinking about those shorts from 1996. The comfort of the jersey cotton. The elastic that was being held into the shorts by only a few threads, quite literally. The shorts with a few paint marks and bleach spots. The absolute best lounge around, clean the house, and pull weeds in shorts. I had to make a very difficult decision that day. I held them for a long time. I even put them back in the pile to think about multiple times. Despite the joy it brought me, I knew it was time. For our marriage I also knew I needed to let it go.
This week it is time to declutter something in your life. Is it your physical things, your friends, or your headspace? I would love to hear your thoughts.
