Meeting Stephanie was like a ray of sunshine amidst the fog. I was anxiously awaiting to meet with the final agent for the publishing company I wanted to impress the most at She Speaks Conference this past summer and. Stephanie was calm and so open. She shared with me a little about her book and she gave me her information. I knew this was a book some of my friends need. As we begin a new year, this may be just the book you need for a fresh start in the decade. Thank you Stephanie for your vulnerability and willingness to not only write a book that will transform lives, but your willingness to share your sunshine with me. 

Tell us a little about yourself and why you decided to write this book. 

My “Professional” Bio…

Stephanie Broersma is a living example of how God brings beauty from ashes in the lives of His children. Married since 2002, she and her husband, Tim, have walked through the valley of marital betrayal and come out the other side stronger, more in love, and fully devoted to Christ. She now heads Reclaimed Ministry, an organization that seeks to help other broken brides recover from the pain and devastation of marital infidelity. Stephanie and her husband have four children, and when she finds spare time, enjoys trail running, scrapbooking and spending time with friends and family. She lives in the Northwest pocket of Washington state.

The “Everyday” Bio…

• I function best if I start my day with Jesus and coffee. 
• My washing machine is never quiet and I always have something to fold or put away.
• Our kids call me mom but a title better suited is taxi driver getting them to school, practice and where their youthful social circles take them. Our kids’ age ranges are from sweet preschool to almost independent freshman. 
• I have a goal to run a race in every state by the age of fifty with eleven states already completed. What to run with me?
• I eat brownies with a fork straight from the pan
• Some days I struggle with anxiety.
• Go to coffee drink is a Starbucks flat white with one raw sugar but during the holidays, I’m quick to order a peppermint mocha. 
• I love all seasons for different reasons of their own. 

Who would you say this book is written for?

Reclaimed: Finding Your Identity after Marital Betrayal is written for the women who has experienced betrayal within her marriage and seeks to find healing. The focus is not on the resulting circumstances but rather the heart condition and having eyes on Jesus as we seek wholeness. Whether a bride is restoring, separated, divorced, single or remarried – there are nuggets of truth in every place of life. Many have read the book together with their husband using the Reclaimed Reflection as conversation starters. Even the bride who was the betrayer has read Reclaimed: Finding Your Identity after Marital Betrayal. 

Your book is divided into 30 days. Each day with a clever chapter title, a quote, someone’s personal story, your own story, and then a change for the reader to have Reflection, read Truth, and Prayer. How did you come up with this format and what do you hope the reader will gain from this?

I never set out to write a book or curriculum based on the hardest days of my life. It all came together very organically as God pursued me through my healing and showed me a need after Tim and I shared with others two years post confession. My friend and I had a similar vision that resulted in Catherine challenging me to lead a betrayal support group. She gave me six weeks to write the material for this new group as there was nothing we could find to purchase based on the need. That was almost eight years ago and since then, we have published a 12-week curriculum guide that is being used across the states in churches and women’s ministries. There was just one problem; many women didn’t have groups near them to attend and were requesting something in place of a physical small group. This is where the idea of writing an extended version of the Reclaimed Small Group Guide into a personal journey came to life. I had met with hundreds of women via coffee dates, email, phone or text which confirmed the need for a candid approach to Reclaimed: Finding Your Identity after Marital Betrayal. In the processes of writing, I thought about what I would have wanted immediately following confession. At one point in my journey I even asked our Pastor for a day by day guide for the betrayed. “On this day do/say this. Tomorrow work on this. You may run into these issues; here’s how to handle…” I would have paid good money to have someone tell me how to handle my own healing journey! My prayer in writing this book is that one person catches a glimmer of hope from my intimate look at betrayal. My heart is for every reader to not feel alone in her brokenness.

I love how incredibly personally this book is between your own sharings from your journals to just stories you share. Day 5 was so incredibly raw. How did you find the strength to be so vulnerable?

It’s just who I am. Nothing drives me more crazy than staying at a surface level for all of friendship. I’m a dive deep kind of gal that loves deep conversation and real connections. From my time of meeting with other brides, I quickly realized that the moment I was able to be 100% vulnerable with them, they too would feel comfortable approaching the hard questions and looking honestly at the heart condition. Because of the rawness of our story, the Enemy has used it against us, especially highlighting the lie of not being enough or having value. It took me years to stop saying I wasn’t good enough to lead groups, write my story or speak to other women. In the process of publishing, Tim and I have received email after email testifying to the hope and healing that was inspired from our story. We’ve read how one bride became a better wife from the challenge in Reclaimed and another stating that, even though her marriage ended in divorce, she still communicates with grace and forgiveness from the complete healing God has done in her heart by reading through the 30 Day Personal Journey. These testimonies make sharing worth it. When God does something so incredible in your life it’s hard to not tell others!

You walk the reader through the stages of grief. Which stage would you say took you the longest and what made it the most difficult?

Testing and Reconstruction for sure. Sin has a way of resurfacing and the Enemy, when he’s lost his grip on a sinner, finds new tactics to steal joy and obedience from a believer. I worked through the anger and acceptance quite quickly but this reconstruction stage presented many challenges over the past ten years. When there was a trigger that struck an emotion I would find myself battling anger and hurt depending on what the trigger was in the moment. Usually the triggers would tug at an emotion causing a dip in sadness but more so the issue of trust was at stake. There have been a few relapses over the past ten years but when they did happen, a glance at pornography, my ability to trust Tim would be severed and have to be built back up. This was especially true those first few years post confession when rebuilding trust was a daily walk together. As life continued on, other situations in our careers, family or friendships would trigger a conversation that opened up a new learning opportunity about communication or insight into our faith and how God was stretching us as a couple. All good things but in the end, still hard. With any test, there is the risk of failure. With any rebuilding process, there is potential for someone getting hurt. That’s what makes this stage the most challenging for me because it’s not been pain free. But, God is still good and remains my constant. 

Your book so eloquently walks through the betrayal, response, recovery, to sex after betrayal, whether or not you tell the kids, and everything inbetween. If someone were to walk away with only one thing what would you hope that would be?

Good question! There’s so much but if I had to choose one thing it’s this: You are a precious child of God. Nothing done to you, no sin that marks you can take that Truth away. It can’t be erased. When you can’t find an unlocked door out of the escape room, God will provide you comfort, peace and offers hope as a glimmer of light begins to shine from the bottom of the door. My prayer is the glimmer will cause you to get on your knees, falling face to the floor as you peak under the door in search of that Light. This will not be your forever; tomorrow is coming. God will sustain you and is ready to make you whole. You are a loved, cherished daughter of a Holy King. 

Tell us more about your ministry and its mission.

Reclaimed Ministry has three main goals. The first is to offer hope to the broken bride in her chaos and pain of betrayal.  We want to be a voice of encouragement and support as she navigates the recent or past discovery of infidelity. The second focus is to provide tools and resources to find healing as often the bride feels shame and anger in her journey. We do this  through the Reclaimed Ministry Community on Facebook, a closed community of hundreds of women sharing support, scripture verses and prayer for one another and also training Reclaimed Small Group leaders to provide local support groups around the country. 

Reclaimed Small Groups are small, confidential, multi-church groups that meet to walk through the topics found in the Reclaimed: Finding Your Identity after Marital Betrayal. These intimate groups provide close accountability with other women in similar situations. The groups offer support, understanding, and encouragement as we work through the twelve-week course. 

The groups have no homework but do provide suggested reading of articles, Scriptures on which to meditate, and personal reflections to discuss together or privately. Much like Reclaimed: Finding Your Identity after Marital Betrayal, the focus is always on the vertical relationship with Jesus Christ. Visit www.reclaimedministry.com for more information and to purchase Reclaimed products, and see where a small group meets near you. 

The third focus of Reclaimed Ministry is to help rebuild trust and self worth as women gain confidence after betrayal. Part of becoming whole again is to understand your identity is in Christ. When a child of God can embrace this truth, confidence naturally falls into place resulting in a stronger woman. 

Ultimately, our mission is to see women grow in their faith and become pillars of strength after such devastation occurs in their relationships. To remain in community with other believers so that, when the next big thing happens, their faith is equipped and ready to keep their eyes on Christ knowing that hope is within reach. 

You can find this book and other resources written by Stephanie at her website https://reclaimedministry.com/ or on Amazon.

Do you know someone who could use this book in 2020? 
Stephanie has so kindly sent one for a GIVEAWAY!

Here is how you can participate in the GIVEAWAY:

• Follow: either candice_deleeuw on Instagram OR candicedeleeuwauthor on Facebook  
• Tag a friend in the comments (more tags equals more entries)
• Subscribe to candicedeleeuw.com (only once).
• Follow: Reclaimed Ministry on Instagram for an extra entry
• Giveaway will be drawn on January 8.