Overemotional, overworked, overtired, overcommitted, overweight, over it…
Being bankrupt is essentially overspending what you make. The USCourts.gov states bankruptcy filings are in the decline at under 800,000. While 43 million American’s suffer from mental health (National Institute of American Health). As a society we are putting out so much more than we are putting in.
The United States averages 10 paid holiday days, in comparison with many European countries who mandate 25-30 days off per year.
Our souls are overspent.
In the economic world we think this bankruptcy fix is to work harder, work longer, work smarter, and work more.
This mentality then bleeds into our spiritual mindset… pray more, worship more, attend church more, read our Bible more.
So often our faith is a checklist, and you all know I love checklists, but this isn’t what God asks from us. Trust me I have tried.
I can very vividly remember one of the several times my soul has experienced bankruptcy. This particular time I was without my Bible, without a church “home,” and without access to worship music. Basically I am describing a time without I-Phones for all those who are too young to remember the dark ages. I was overtired. I was overemotional. I was overwhelmed. I was just over it.
I could not take another minute of not knowing what was going to happen to my son.
At this point, he underwent open-heart surgery, went into cardiac arrest, was brought back after 20 minutes, and had been slowly declining for weeks. His kidneys were failing. I had just broken down for the first time in his room before yet another surgery. I was alone and defeated. Bankrupt.
After they wheeled my son to the O.R. I found myself with my face to the ground in a hallway. I could not take another step nor could I hold in the tears that were pouring from every part of my being. As I placed my hands on the cold hard floor and rocked on my knees, I began to cry out the only words that I could, “Jesus, Jesus.” Over and over again until I could catch my breath and regain control of my thoughts.
Here, amidst my bankrupt soul, God showed up.
My prayer then shifted to, “Help me! Heal him! But I want your will, not my own.” God answered my prayer, but you will have to wait for my book, Hope (Amidst the Stories I Tell Myself) to be released to read about it.
Year later as I read the words of Jesus from verses from Matthew 26:37-39 I was blown away.
37 He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled. 38 Then he said to them, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.”
39 Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.”
It wasn’t that my soul needed a checklist of “more.” My soul needed surrender.
Once I was able to surrender, my focus shifted. I knew what had to be done. I knew God’s answer. Without surrendering all of me in this moment, I would not have been able to get through what would result in the worst months of my life.
To surrender is “to yield to the power of another.” To say to God, “I trust you.” I firmly believe just like in wartime, a surrender does not come without a battle, nor does it for me and you. We have to get to the point in the battle we know we can’t do it on our own. There is nothing I can do “more” of and I am on my knees with my face to the ground in surrender.
My Pastor shared yesterday in regards to the Parable of the Lost son (Luke 15) that it was when the son was low enough he went back to his father. He said, “there is no indication his (sons) heart had changed. He was hungry. But it didn’t matter because his father already saw the need.” How awesome is that?
My surrender is enough.
I am still fumbling with this concept, because it doesn’t feel enough to just have to surrender, although I have seen it multiple times in my life. Is this an easy concept for you? Do you find it difficult to surrender? What in your life do you need to surrender today?
