Fun fact. I can’t swallow pills. I distinctly remember standing in our kitchen as a child under the sink light and my dad trying to throw a pill down my throat. It didn’t matter what coaxing he had done, every applesauce trick, I couldn’t do it. Apparently this was his last option in the middle of the night. But I was stubborn and I never swallowed the pill. 

Fast forward 40 years and I still can’t swallow a pill. Yes, I totally get it is all in my head and I probably swallow food bigger than the pill, but it refuses to go down my throat. It always ends up magically back on my tongue. Therefore I do what any sensible adult would do, I request liquid or chew it. 

You know that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you know God is calling you into something? I always assumed that “giving up” things would mean giving up the things that are harmful, not something I love. This discovery, my friends, is like a pill. 

I have not been able to just swallow it, but have had to chew it. 

The past several months I have been doing a Bible Study with my women’s eGroup, on Gideon by Priscilla Shirer. From the very first week I realized this was no “fluff” study, this one was going to push me. She spoke of “generational intentionality” and to brainstorm ways to foster unity in your family. The scariest idea came to me… HOMESCHOOL. 

As the weeks pressed on, His voice became more clear, and I became more resistant. Let’s face it, I don’t like to do what is hard. I don’t like to upset people. I especially don’t like to disappoint people. What God was calling me to do next was going to do all those things, therefore I was going to pretend I wasn’t hearing Him. So much so, that I avoided doing my daily study for four days in fear of what I may read next. 

When the Governor makes his decision on July 1, then I’ll think about doing what you ask.
God: You’re funny. Do your study. 

There is a disadvantage to leading a study, you can’t skip the weeks and just show up and glean on everyone else’s God moments. On the fifth day I opened my study to Judges 7:3-7. Gideon is preparing for battle. He has all his men ready to go, his plate is full of good things. But then God steps in.

3 Now announce to the army, ‘Anyone who trembles with fear may turn back and leave Mount Gilead.’” So twenty-two thousand men left, while ten thousand remained.

4 But the Lord said to Gideon, “There are still too many men. Take them down to the water, and I will thin them out for you there. If I say, ‘This one shall go with you,’ he shall go; but if I say, ‘This one shall not go with you,’ he shall not go.”

5 So Gideon took the men down to the water. There the Lord told him, “Separate those who lap the water with their tongues as a dog laps from those who kneel down to drink.” 6 Three hundred of them drank from cupped hands, lapping like dogs. All the rest got down on their knees to drink.

7 The Lord said to Gideon, “With the three hundred men that lapped I will save you and give the Midianites into your hands. Let all the others go home.”

Seriously?! I want to enter a shocked emoji here. 32,000 men down to 300. I can’t even begin to comprehend the fear Gideon must have felt in this moment. Talk about an upset stomach, his had to be flipping and flopping! 

In the study, Priscila put out a question “What is God stripping from your life?” I knew the answer but I also didn’t want to believe it (why I was avoiding the study for four days). Then she said, “The 300 is our secret weapon.” I wrote in giant letters, “FAMILY!”

I realized in this moment striping doesn’t have to be removing things that are bad from my life. 

But God I love what I do. I don’t want to disappoint people. Let me think on this some more. 
God: Let me remind you in another way. 

At the same time I was also reading Crag Groschell’s book Divine Direction where he talks all about the importance of decision making and how the very thing that is easy to stay in is probably the thing you need to walk away from. He even went as far as to say, “surrender something that means a lot to you.” 

Ok I will wait until July 1 to hear from the Governor on his rules for schools in the fall. Then IF I homeschool I will step away from leading my youth eGroup after YTHX. 
God: Nope. Hey you know the camps you signed your kids up for in June that were canceled? Let me reschedule both of them for the week of YTHX in the evenings when you would be meeting with your girls for eGroup. 

And yet I STILL was trying to make it work. I was still putting other kids before my own. I was still not listening. 

Please tell me I am not the only one who struggles with letting things go. Please tell me you too have experienced knowing what you were to do, but just couldn’t release it. 

If you said, “Me too!” There is good news for us, we are not alone. Gideon was there too. For Gideon, he has gone from an army of 32,000 to 300 and he is supposed to head into battle. My situation is nowhere as scary as that, but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t cause my stomach to churn. I am just one month away from the four year mark of leading youth with Elevation Church. My life has been full. My youth girls are amazing and I have had the privilege of watching them grow in their relationships with Christ and in finding out who God has created them to be. There is nothing more satisfying than ministry and I get to serve alongside the most giving and caring people on this planet. Why do I have to give this up? Why am I supposed to live with less?

Then I get a phone call. The phone call that makes your heart stop. Your friend is pregnant and there is a complication. It is the baby’s heart. I am immediately reminded of the ministry God has been using over the past year and especially during COVID as I was able to speak to multiple MOPS (Mother’s of Preschoolers) groups from North Carolina to Michigan to California and states in between. God is making room. 

Maybe you are reading this and you are feeling the tug of release in your own heart. Maybe God is trying to make room for you too. But maybe you are like me and you question and argue (there was a lot of that from me). Maybe you know EXACTLY what you are to release but still have fear. Gideon did too! Judges 7: 9-11

9 During that night the Lord said to Gideon, “Get up, go down against the camp, because I am going to give it into your hands. 10 If you are afraid to attack, go down to the camp with your servant Purah 11 and listen to what they are saying. Afterward, you will be encouraged to attack the camp.” So he and Purah his servant went down to the outposts of the camp.

God knows and understands our fears. He will give you the answers you need. He tells Gideon, “if you are afraid, then go.” I will warn you, if you like to see the “whole picture” then you will be disappointed because you will not. He will show you where and you will have to have the faith to follow through. 

I began saying out loud where God was leading me. I was not met with celebration, but I never expected it, instead with questions. This of course called me to question what I had been hearing. 

But the timing isn’t right. 
God: Let me send down a sermon for you. 

Yesterday, as I prepared to tell my youth girls and struggled with the knowledge the pill was still in my mouth yet to be swallowed, I listened to the sermon given by Pastor Jeremy Foster. I filled pages with notes on his sermon on obedience. He reminded me I am “on the threshold of a promise” and “this won’t be easy, but it will be good.” The very thing I questioned on the timing of release, Pastor Foster said, “God has prepared my timeline” and “even when I want to argue, I must respond.” 

So I swallowed the pill. I 100% chewed that sucker up. It was bitter, chalky, and yet once it was fully swallowed, released peace. 

What in your life is it time for you to release? What in your life is God challenging you to live with less? We can go into battle with 32,000 but if He is calling for us to use the 300, what is stopping you? It is a tough pill to swallow but trust me, you will be stepping into a promise.