When a gut wrenching, gasping breath takes you by surprise. This is the moment you realize you didn’t keep your word. Sometimes they are calculated missteps but sometimes they hit you in such a way you are knocked flat on your face. Once on the ground you have three options:
Some of the times we use this moment to get up quickly looking around to see if anyone else noticed, but then continue on our way pretending nothing ever happened. Nothing to see here.
At other moments we lay flat faced, allowing the dust to fill our mouths and lungs making it impossible to breath again.
While other times we can stand up, take inventory of the new bruises emerging and dust off. We take the time to recognize what caused the stumble and use it to make amends and changes for the future.
Whether we realize it or not, each time we break a promise a choice is made.
As the weather continues to produce spring feels, I have been staying in the “Easter” scripture, noticing new things. This week particularly, I was stuck on the disciples, the men who were closest to Jesus.
I have never been one to have a ton of close friends, but instead have a handful of close friends I have collected throughout different seasons of my life. Just as many of us do, I desire to have my promises to them always hold true, but I know I fail them. Phone calls not returned or even business deadlines not met. Honesty sidenote: I ignored the phone call of a friend more than once because I had not met a business deadline and I didn’t want to deal with the disappointment of telling her. Yikes, right? Knowing this about myself makes it easier to understand the disciples.
Although these twelve men left behind their lives to follow Jesus, I wonder how often they thought to themselves, “I didn’t sign up for this.”
When they were asked to feed 5,000 hungry people with no food or money in Luke 9?
When they were rebuked by Jesus in Luke 9?
Or when Jesus overturns the tables in the temple courts in Matthew 21? I can’t help but picture Teresa Giudice in Housewife of New Jersey every single time.
Most definitely when an arrest was made, were they were thinking, “hold up. Jail time?”
50 Then everyone deserted him and fled. Mark 14:50
A decision was made. These men who were supposed to be the closest friends to Jesus have not only been a part of healings, miracles, and other life changing moments but in just a few verses earlier had witnessed his distress.
32 They went to a place called Gethsemane, and Jesus said to his disciples, “Sit here while I pray.” 33 He took Peter, James and John along with him, and he began to be deeply distressed and troubled. 34 “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death,” he said to them. “Stay here and keep watch.”
Just as we can see our friends’ deep sorrow and despair, even if we are not able to fully understand it, we should remain close to them.
43 Just as he was speaking, Judas, one of the Twelve, appeared. With him was a crowd armed with swords and clubs, sent from the chief priests, the teachers of the law, and the elders.
44 Now the betrayer had arranged a signal with them: “The one I kiss is the man; arrest him and lead him away under guard.” 45 Going at once to Jesus, Judas said, “Rabbi!” and kissed him. 46 The men seized Jesus and arrested him. 47 Then one of those standing near drew his sword and struck the servant of the high priest, cutting off his ear.
48 “Am I leading a rebellion,” said Jesus, “that you have come out with swords and clubs to capture me? 49 Every day I was with you, teaching in the temple courts, and you did not arrest me. But the Scriptures must be fulfilled.” 50 Then everyone deserted him and fled.
A decision in this moment was made, run.
Over and over again I have told you how I am a spiritual runner when it comes to hard things. I can put myself in the sandals of the disciples, can you? Can you look at yourself and say you would have stuck around?
The disciples are running but they won’t stumble in their realization until his death and for some not even until his resurrection. The recognition that He had done what He has told them all along, for some will be too much to bear.
The crossroad moment for each disciple was face in the ground: get up and pretend none of it happened, stay in the ground (Judas), or dust off and do something about it.
Don’t you love how the New Testament is full of these same men who then DID something about it?! They took this stumble to spread the Good News and their fear of jail time? Yeah, that no longer seems to be an issue as many are jailed and others are even slain for their belief in Jesus.
I don’t want to follow Jesus because it is “cool” or all my friends are doing it, I want to truly live for him.
Recently our family made a difficult decision to step away from something we have loved being a part of for over a decade. Part of the problem was that we no longer felt like we were doing it FOR Him anymore, but because we had FOMO (fear of missing out). We were face in the ground with a decision to make and getting up and pretending we never fell at all was not the right answer. Dusting off and taking inventory isn’t easy either, but we are trying to figure out exactly where He is leading us next.
Today where are you? Have you been knocked to your face? If so, which choice are you going to make?
