Whether you are working to advance your career or are a stay at home mom volunteering at the kids’ school, it is so hard to say “no” to all the demands and needs of those around us.
We say “yes” for a lot of reasons but I think for many of us, this is our top two:
- We like to feel needed.
It is always so nice to feel needed and validated. This became especially important to me after a few years of being solely a stay at home mom to babies. For years my life revolved around naps and feedings. I often felt like I wasn’t able to contribute anything to the world. After leaving the classroom to stay at home, this was a huge shift. When I was teaching, I was in my element. The classroom is where I felt most alive. As the years came an opportunities rose for me to say “yes” to things and the need to feel like my input mattered drove me.
- We feel guilty.
I think many of us struggle with the feeling that if you don’t there won’t be someone else to do it. This is especially apparent with volunteer positions. It always seems like there is too much to do and not enough people volunteering to do it.
Some of the things are big demands, but let’s be honest all the little demands add up too: coffee dates with friends, book club (I have a great one for you to say “yes” to), date nights, a new Netflix series, pool dates for the kids, visits to family and friends, etc.
But each time we say “yes” we are inevitably putting ourselves in the position to say “no.”
Lysa Tyrkurst wrote a book years ago called The Best Yes and it was all wrapped around this concept. I devoured the book. The problem is although I agreed and understood the concepts, I still struggle to say “no.”
Recently we have been trying to determine what we would do about school next year; would we send them or homeschool again. My husband’s biggest concern is for me. For some reason he worries about me writing, publishing books, running a business, teaching part time, and also homeschooling the three kids. Something about burning the candle from both ends. This forced me to take a hard look at my priorities and how that aligns with God.
Genesis 4 Adam made love to his wife Eve, and she became pregnant and gave birth to Cain. She said, “With the help of the Lord I have brought forth a man.” 2 Later she gave birth to his brother Abel.
Now Abel kept flocks, and Cain worked the soil. 3 In the course of time Cain brought some of the fruits of the soil as an offering to the Lord. 4 And Abel also brought an offering—fat portions from some of the firstborn of his flock. The Lord looked with favor on Abel and his offering, 5 but on Cain and his offering he did not look with favor. So Cain was very angry, and his face was downcast.
Why did God accept Abel’s offering but not Cain’s? One word makes all the difference: “some” vs “first.” Although many correlate this with tithing and the importance of bringing your first, I think it is more. It is bringing your best to him and to the areas of life He calls you to.
Later in vs 7 God tells Cain that he is to do what is right or sin will take over resulting in destruction.
I have seen countless lives destroyed over failure to say “no.” People who have ruined marriages, broken relationships, lost their jobs over the failure to say “no” to drugs, alcohol, and overcommitments. Yes, even overcommitment to things that are “good.”
There is destruction in saying “yes” to too many “good” things.
There was one point that I was the liaison between our church and one of the church’s outreach partners, leading a women’s small group, leading a youth small group, on the leadership team for youth, and serving on Sundays at church.
When it comes to my time, am I putting God first?
I guess maybe you could argue that I was putting Him first by saying “yes” to so many church commitments. But if I am honest, I was not. By overcommitting, I was not putting my family first, which is what He has given me to care for.
A few weeks ago I was listening to a podcast while doing landscaping and an author was on the show. The host congratulated him on the book hitting a big recognition. The author’s response hit me. He said, “it only took 8 years to get it.” Eight. Not out the gate a NY Best Seller like celebrities and pastors of mega churches, but eight years.
A good friend constantly reminds me the business, Hope in Healing Hearts, is a marathon and not a sprint. Although it would be amazing to see huge growth instantly, the fact that we already are able to provide a year’s worth of books to seven partnerships since December is a huge accomplishment.
So here we are again at a crossroad and I am reminded to put my family first when I read Luke 12.
In Luke 12 Jesus is speaking to the crowds of the importance of putting Christ first and professing one’s faith when someone speaks out. There is always one in the crowd who isn’t really listening. Here we again have an issue between two brothers.
13 Then one from the crowd said to Him, “Teacher, tell my brother to divide the inheritance with me.”
14 But He said to him, “Man, who made Me a judge or an arbitrator over you?” 15 And He said to them, “Take heed and beware of covetousness, for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of the things he possesses.”
Dictionary.com defines covetousness as “an envious eagerness to possess something.” That stings a little doesn’t it? We are often in an eagerness to possess a higher paid job, a more significant status, recognition, more material possessions, and a desire to be seen. But Jesus tells us to be aware of this.
If you are aware of Ecclesiastes 3 or even Turn! Turn! Turn! sung by the Beatles then you are reminded, just like me, that there is a time for everything.
I don’t know what season you are in, but for me I am in the season to continue to give my best to my family. Yes, I will continue to write, grow HHH, and seek God’s will but I know that as long as I am listening to Him, every time I have to say, “no” it will all work out.
What areas of your life do you need to say “no” to and what areas need more “yes”?
