With Halloween approaching this week, I think of the masks we wear. The smiles we wear despite the despair we feel inside. The labels we feel the need to wear and buy when the bank account has nothing in it. The gossip we share to keep others from looking at our own hurt.

Just last night I saw Maleficent: Mistress of Evil with my youth.

DISCLOSURE: SKIP THIS PARAGRAPH IF YOU DON’T LIKE SPOILERS.

This movie is a sequel but based off the fairy tale Sleeping Beauty. Maleficent is seen as this wicked creature, but Aurora sees more in her. Aurora sees a world that can unite the two kingdoms, the moors and Ulstead. Although Aurora loses faith in her godmother she ultimately remembers who she is under her mask. It is in this moment Maleficent shows her true self when she sees Queen Ingrith shoot an arrow at Aurora and takes her place (tear). A sign of true love. 

Over and over again we see this in movies:

• Groot protects the Guardians of the Galaxy
• Russell Casse when he flew his fighter jet into the alien spacecraft in Independence Day
• Tony Stark when he snapped his fingers at the end of Avengers: Endgame
• When Anna steps in front of Elsa to take the hit from the sword of Hans in Frozen

Movies aren’t the only time we have seen one person put the one they love or humanity before themselves. We see it in the book of Esther. Esther is a Jewish girl who was raised by her uncle, Mordecai, who works for the King. After the King banishes his wife from the kingdom for her unwillingness to appear on his command his advisors suggest he find a better, more beautiful wife. Enters Esther stage right. At the advice of her uncle she keeps her Jewish background secret (chapters 1-2). When Esther’s uncle, who previously disclosed the plot to have the King killed (chapter 2), wouldn’t bow down to the highest official in the kingdom, Haman, he orders her uncle and all the Jews to be killed (chapter 3). Esther now is faced with her uncle and her people being killed. She could have worn a mask of denial. Pretending she didn’t know Mordecai or had any connection with the Jews. Or she can speak to the king (grounds to be killed if not summoned) on this matter and wear the mask she was given at birth. She makes her decision. What she does next baffles me.

If it were me I would have marched right on over to the king but she doesn’t make a rash in the heat of the moment action. 

Esther 4:16 “Go, gather together all the Jews who are in Susa, and fast for me. Do not eat or drink for three days, night or day. I and my attendants will fast as you do. When this is done, I will go to the king, even though it is against the law. And if I perish, I perish.”

In 2006 if given the chance to trade places with my son I would have. I would have taken his pain. I would have taken every ounce of suffering, swelling, and incision. As his mother, I would have given my own life to let him live. This was not a choice I was given.  Instead I was given the choice to decide the mask I would wear. While hospitalized I could wear the mask of a victim, sorrow, anger, or joy. I saw a lot of masks from other mothers during the seven weeks we were in the PICU. I wore each of these masks myself. The mothers I was drawn to and tried to emulate the most wore no mask, but were filled with the JOY of a mother’s love. Despite the overwhelming sadness of the situation there was joy. There was extra time to soak in all the little details of my Little Man. The way he scrunched his nose, the way he always looked wide whenever he would hear his daddy walk in the room, and the way he would grip my index finger with his tiny hand. 

Just like Maleficent, my situation could have made me hard, angry, and cold-hearted but even when the realization became I was a childless mother, death could not take away the joy of being his mother. 

Although I like things to be instintaneous, finding joy after losing my son was not. Instead it took time. Looking back, I am thankful I didn’t make rash decisions that were placed before me, otherwise I may not be sitting here writing this today. I wouldn’t have my other children, a blessed marriage, or the burning desire to help other moms.

You are not the mask you wear. Your true self is hiding under all the masks you have put on over the years. It is time to start removing them one by one and to be the one God made you to be.

What is one mask you know you need to begin to remove today?